31 :: My Best and Worst Year Part 2: The Best
PART II
So I've totally depressed you with the downtrodden struggle that was my life this past year. If you didn't read it yet, stop, and go read this!
Here I am to fix it all and let you know how I still found incredible life in the midst of chaos!
Before anything happened, before the staph infection that wouldn't leave, before the removal of my gallbladder, before anything bad happened, there was an enthusiastic Becky who chose to make life happen instead of just letting it happen.
During our youth camp we put on (this camp had a huge impact on my life in case you didn't know yet) I decided to join a roller derby team! How did I come to this decision? Beyond falling in COMPLETE LOVE with the movie Whip It back in 2009, here's what happened:
We were taking the youth kids to the skating rink during camp. One thing you should know about me if you don't already, it's that I'm a spazz. I'm uncoordinated. I run like an idiot. I'm 5'10 with limbs that should never be as long as my legs and arms are. Sports and recreational activities aren't my jam and I pretty much just suck at doing anything that requires talent in the physical needs sports call for. And I'm often mocked for this within this group of kids. I love them dearly so they're allowed to. They were all VERY excited to see me get on a pair of skates and trip and fall my way around this rink. But the joke was on them!
I've been skating since I was a tiny kid. I grew up on the rink. I grew up on skates in my Grandma's basement. I grew up on roller blades (thank you 90's!!!) and when I hit that rink, well I blew them away. Even my husband, who loves me but teases me with my shortcomings in this area of life, was impressed. THAT SAYS SOMETHING!
I left that rink feeling pretty awesome and wanting to take this year and the rest of my life by the harness, I wanted a way to incorporate this with my new found zeal.
I chose roller derby.
I chose it and then I didn't. But then a sweet friend, Kara Tippey, told me to do it, even if it scared me. Even if I failed at it, she told me go for it because then I'd never have a regret by just going for it. So I did!
I went to roller derby boot camp, 30 lbs heavier than I am now, not a muscle formed on my body. I almost died that first week. But I committed to the 12 weeks of boot camp and each week I fell deeper and deeper in love with this sport, its culture and its community. I was placed on the B Team by my 6 month into the sport despite a nasty tear in my MCL I suffered 1 month into boot camp. I over came. I came back after my gallbladder removal and gave it everything I could.
Derby offered me an incredible outlet that I desperately needed this year with the amount of turmoil I went through. Being on skates and on that track was therapy for me week in and week out. Doing something physical that I'm actually good at and enjoy lifted my spirits and gave me an endorphin release 2 days of the week. It got me in incredible shape and brought some incredible people into my life and gave me goals to work towards. And for that I'm thankful.
The next thing that was absolutely amazing about this year is that I now lead this youth group with my husband. This ministry was given to us 6 months after God told me He was going to give me a ministry. I had to work through my guilt and depression I was going through and having a new lesson to prepare each week kept my faith alive and deeper than it would have been. There were times I felt like I didn't deserve leading the youth group and that I felt like I shouldn't be, but I know God was teaching me that He was in control, that I needed to lean on him for strength and stability because a lot of times there was none left in me spiritually or physically. It was him teaching me that nothing we're given is because we deserve it or earned it. It's because He chose to give it to us and to handle with care. I've been able to teach these kids week in and week out and connect with them on whole new levels! I love taking them out for coffee, having them over to my house and just spending time with them and helping them however we can.
We were gifted the amazing opportunity to take 12 kids to camp in South Carolina this summer and find spiritual healing for ourselves. We had a pretty special group with the lot of us from our church and talked about everything under the sun and my husband and I were there to walk the kids through it. I got to see my husband stretch his wings in ministry and do stuff that I never expected to see him do. That has been special for me to witness.
A few months back I kept seeing stuff about "If the stars were made to worship, so will I." I had no idea this was a song and just thought, oh, that's a cool saying. I found a wallpaper for my phone with those words on it and made it my background. While we were at camp, I finally heard and got to experience the song, "So Will I" and it totally blew me away. It rocked me. The words in that song have healing power.
So I've totally depressed you with the downtrodden struggle that was my life this past year. If you didn't read it yet, stop, and go read this!
Here I am to fix it all and let you know how I still found incredible life in the midst of chaos!
Before anything happened, before the staph infection that wouldn't leave, before the removal of my gallbladder, before anything bad happened, there was an enthusiastic Becky who chose to make life happen instead of just letting it happen.During our youth camp we put on (this camp had a huge impact on my life in case you didn't know yet) I decided to join a roller derby team! How did I come to this decision? Beyond falling in COMPLETE LOVE with the movie Whip It back in 2009, here's what happened:
We were taking the youth kids to the skating rink during camp. One thing you should know about me if you don't already, it's that I'm a spazz. I'm uncoordinated. I run like an idiot. I'm 5'10 with limbs that should never be as long as my legs and arms are. Sports and recreational activities aren't my jam and I pretty much just suck at doing anything that requires talent in the physical needs sports call for. And I'm often mocked for this within this group of kids. I love them dearly so they're allowed to. They were all VERY excited to see me get on a pair of skates and trip and fall my way around this rink. But the joke was on them!
I've been skating since I was a tiny kid. I grew up on the rink. I grew up on skates in my Grandma's basement. I grew up on roller blades (thank you 90's!!!) and when I hit that rink, well I blew them away. Even my husband, who loves me but teases me with my shortcomings in this area of life, was impressed. THAT SAYS SOMETHING!
I left that rink feeling pretty awesome and wanting to take this year and the rest of my life by the harness, I wanted a way to incorporate this with my new found zeal.
I chose roller derby.
I chose it and then I didn't. But then a sweet friend, Kara Tippey, told me to do it, even if it scared me. Even if I failed at it, she told me go for it because then I'd never have a regret by just going for it. So I did!
I went to roller derby boot camp, 30 lbs heavier than I am now, not a muscle formed on my body. I almost died that first week. But I committed to the 12 weeks of boot camp and each week I fell deeper and deeper in love with this sport, its culture and its community. I was placed on the B Team by my 6 month into the sport despite a nasty tear in my MCL I suffered 1 month into boot camp. I over came. I came back after my gallbladder removal and gave it everything I could.
Derby offered me an incredible outlet that I desperately needed this year with the amount of turmoil I went through. Being on skates and on that track was therapy for me week in and week out. Doing something physical that I'm actually good at and enjoy lifted my spirits and gave me an endorphin release 2 days of the week. It got me in incredible shape and brought some incredible people into my life and gave me goals to work towards. And for that I'm thankful.
The next thing that was absolutely amazing about this year is that I now lead this youth group with my husband. This ministry was given to us 6 months after God told me He was going to give me a ministry. I had to work through my guilt and depression I was going through and having a new lesson to prepare each week kept my faith alive and deeper than it would have been. There were times I felt like I didn't deserve leading the youth group and that I felt like I shouldn't be, but I know God was teaching me that He was in control, that I needed to lean on him for strength and stability because a lot of times there was none left in me spiritually or physically. It was him teaching me that nothing we're given is because we deserve it or earned it. It's because He chose to give it to us and to handle with care. I've been able to teach these kids week in and week out and connect with them on whole new levels! I love taking them out for coffee, having them over to my house and just spending time with them and helping them however we can.
We were gifted the amazing opportunity to take 12 kids to camp in South Carolina this summer and find spiritual healing for ourselves. We had a pretty special group with the lot of us from our church and talked about everything under the sun and my husband and I were there to walk the kids through it. I got to see my husband stretch his wings in ministry and do stuff that I never expected to see him do. That has been special for me to witness.
A few months back I kept seeing stuff about "If the stars were made to worship, so will I." I had no idea this was a song and just thought, oh, that's a cool saying. I found a wallpaper for my phone with those words on it and made it my background. While we were at camp, I finally heard and got to experience the song, "So Will I" and it totally blew me away. It rocked me. The words in that song have healing power.
"And as You speak
A hundred billion failures disappear
Where You lost Your life so I could find it here
If You left the grave behind You so will I
I can see Your heart in everything You’ve done
Every part designed in a work of art called love
If You gladly chose surrender so will I
I can see Your heart
Eight billion different ways
Every precious one
A child You died to save
If You gave Your life to love them so will I"
I found forgiveness back in March for my failure, but it hadn't disappeared. After camp in July of this year, it did.
I pray and read my bible almost every single day. The daily healing and connection with God I get from this is incredible. I've seen God work the most in my life when I started connecting with him every day starting back in July. It's been an incredible experience watching Him move in my life and I'll never stop.
Now, you'll see that I have a longer list of things that were "bad" for this year than I do for the good things, but these good things are what kept me afloat. They're what deepened my relationship with my husband and with God. They're what kept me going and prepared for all that is ahead of me.
The bad things shaped my life for the better. I eat much cleaner now which turns out is better for me. Who'd have thought! I found a Doctor who won't just jump at the chance to prescribe me medicine but rather get to the heart of my issues. My immune system is back and strong and fighting off sickness like it should! My diet is rounded out and doing well. I'm able to eat a more wide variety of food but often get the reminder from my body telling me "Hey! Take better care of me!" I'm about to start doing crossfit more regularly and that excites me. It says that my body is in good shape and can handle a vigorous workout. I'm in the best shape of my life at 31!
We can drown in the bad stuff that will inevitably come and go through our lives, but the key to a life well lived is having Jesus at the center and seeing the good through all the bad. It doesn't mean everything has to happen for a reason, but it certainly helps to find meaning through it all. I want my life dedicated to serving others, loving them and being Jesus to them. I want to help people experience healing and deliverance. This is what I'm called to do.
Finding myself at the Night Of Worship last night felt like I came full circle. I worshipped with abandon. I had a moment where I kind of stopped and reflected and wondered why this particular worship experience felt different from my previous worship over the last year and it's because I was worshipping last night without a broken spirit. I am healed, I am whole. He has filled all the broken parts of my heart and I worshiped with joy, not brokenness. Thank you, Jesus!
Finding myself at the Night Of Worship last night felt like I came full circle. I worshipped with abandon. I had a moment where I kind of stopped and reflected and wondered why this particular worship experience felt different from my previous worship over the last year and it's because I was worshipping last night without a broken spirit. I am healed, I am whole. He has filled all the broken parts of my heart and I worshiped with joy, not brokenness. Thank you, Jesus!
Ministry is my life. I have been called and I've answered. I'm not scared because I know that whatever gets thrown at me, I can handle it because I have Jesus. He is mine and I'm never alone.
Welcome, year 32. Let's see what you have for me.
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